I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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