I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
