You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
