life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
