it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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