I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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