I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
