I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
