I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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