Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im holly from the hills drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Boobs are out for the taking
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
