In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Houston, we have a blender
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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