his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
