she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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