after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
