Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
