Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
