I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize