I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize