the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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