just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
