Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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