As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
