i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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