At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
