dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
