Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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