you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize