Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
