literally had 100 drinks last night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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