Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
