While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize