I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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