Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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