I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize