1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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