This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
