Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Buhtt sex?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
