you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Your dad touched me again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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