I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
