girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize