yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
