can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
