Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
