and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
