found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
