Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize