i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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