dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
