I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My breasts were aching with rage.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
