Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
