I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
