There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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