So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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