Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
