When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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