remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
