The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
