just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
