Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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