Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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