this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
