I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
