We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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