Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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