so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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