If that was your dad, he is hot
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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