You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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