Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
