if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You are the jesus of drinking
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
