Kiss
Puke
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
