First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
