Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
