Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize