the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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