Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
