i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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