i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
