why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
