just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
