Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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