she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
