He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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