In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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