im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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