What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
