I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
