I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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