And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize