I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
