So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
