I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
