I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize