She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
