If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
