And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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