Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
