Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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