I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
