I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
