Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
