I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
