Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Randomize
