My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
