dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
