He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
