We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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