I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
