i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
