My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
