Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
